Despite our society and lives being more interconnected than they have ever been, millions of people around the world suffer from an intense, soul crushing loneliness. This peculiar paradox can be explained if we consider the inarguable dumbification and streamlining of human contact social media have inexorably brought into our lives.
Why bother meet someone when you can instantly message them? Why would you ever invest in building a relationship from scratch, when you can simply click the next name on your contactcs lists? This has led to a significant weakening of social skills for both genders, as there is less and less personal contact in our everyday lives.
Shy men, in particular, are at increased risk of isolation – if you don’t use it, you will lose it, as they say – because they are under intense pressure, external and internal, in order to be something they are not, in a totally hostile and rough environment.
So, what should a shy man do? Abandon all hope and live a life of social and sexual mediocrity, fully immersed in isolation’s cold embrace? Quite the contrary. What is great about hitting bottom is that you can only go up.
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Why confident women are not attracted to you
The most important thing you need to realize is why confident women are not attracted to you. If you are honest with yourself you will find out that deep down, you already know why.
You are not giving them reason to.
Being social and outgoing, making everyone laugh and smile just by gracing them with your presence is an indicator. You are basically raising up a flag that says wide and clear, “If you are in my company, you are definitely going to have a good time”.
Being shy robs people around you of the chance to see what goods you can bring to the table. You might be an otherwise AWESOME man but none will get the chance to know it. If you lack other indications of value, like a lavish lifestyle or, well, hot looks, you basically limit yourself to a small group of women. Women, who like you, are afraid to raise up their War Banners and proclaim they are worth it all.
But you are interested in confident women, right?
Be the best you
You have been lied to. You have been led astray. Bambooozled! Movie scripts and well intentioned – mostly – advice has led you to fall for the comfortable lie that “being yourself” is enough. I am afraid to break it to you: It is not. If you need cold, hard evidence for what I am saying just consider the following:
You have been being yourself all your life. Did it get you the results you craved for? Did you find affection? Intimacy? More sex? Did any woman ever BEG you to stay exactly as you are right now, because your personality, character and attitude make her wet her pants? Probably not.
Let us fix this commonly touted nonsense to something we can work with: Be the BEST you. From this day forward, I give you permission – no, I urge you – to become fully committed to your own personal development. I want you to become OBSESSED with the idea of being better tomorrow than you were today. And I want you to stick to that direction, even if your immediate, existing social circle wants you to believe you are wasting your time or calls you all kinds of “d” – dumb, disillusioned, douche – or even the big D word itself.
I will give you, in short, the absolute best things you can do to build up your own confidence – and start playing the game on the same level as the very confident women you crave for do. We can segment these in three, broad categories:
Physical: Unless you look like an Abercrombie model, you can do things to improve your appearance. Whether it is weight-lifting, a sport or investing in stylish clothes getting your looks up by a point or two is going to do wonders for your confidence. Without the right package, pretty girls are not going to go looking for your contents.
Mental: Give your brain food for thought. Read some philosophy. Read about marketing and sales. Read about evolutionary or practical, applied psychology. Make reading a habit and it will reward you, I promise. Become a voracious reader and not only will you learn new things but you will NEVER run out of things to say.
Financial: If you are unemployed, find a job. If you currently work, go get that salary raise. If you work for a business, raise a money to build your own business. Whatever your current income level is, whatever your profession, you can ALWAYS improve. The struggle will strengthen your character, hone your skills and abilities and make you much, much more attractive and magnetic for people regardless of their sex.
It is a number’s game
Always remember: Practice makes perfect. If you want to get good at flirting, you need to flirt more. If talking to a confident woman seems an enormous hurdle for you right now, you can build up to your goal in baby steps. A foolproof way to improve your social skills is “talk to everyone”. Even the guy at the grocery store. Even the waitress. Even the uglies. And who knows, you might even make some new friends on the way.
And while you are at it, keep in mind that at the end of the day, it is all a number’s game. Should your advances get rejected it could be for a myriad other reasons, completely unrelated to you. That pretty girl who shooed you away might have recently lost her grandfather. It has NOTHING to do with you – so don’t let it touch you.
And even if it does, so what? So, another human being does not like you. There are millions who might well do.